Venus versus Mars
May 23, 2008
How do I offend thee, let me count the ways 1, 2, 3…
Well here it is the end of the day and I’ve managed to offend not one but two Martians. Who knew it would be so easy and I wasn’t even trying. Nameless Martian number one became offended when I had the temerity to answer a question that he asked. What was I thinking? I must remember that when a Martian asks a Venusian a question the only acceptable answers is “oh I agree with you exactly I only wish I could have said it first so you would know that I’m absolutely not pandering to your Martian ego.”
Just about recovered from that and sure enough Nameless Martian number two tells me he is having a hard time answering my question because he doesn’t want to be too critical especially since I am so defensive. It turns out that during a different session I offered what I thought was an additional comment to his comments and here I’m now informed that what I was doing was negating his comments and passing the blame to someone else. Silly me I thought I was agreeing with him and giving him another reason why he was right about what he was saying. Apparently your right in Venusian when translated into Martian means I’m criticizing you, you Martian pig. Who know?? I really need to work on my translations before speaking to another Martian or else I need to find an interpreter that is fluent in Venusian and Martian.
The really strange thing is that I’ve always considered myself to be a Venusian with strong Martian logic. But however it seems that Martian logic coming from a Venusian no matter how Martian like is still Venusian. Oh well I guess I need to update my Martian to Venusian (or vice versa) translation dictionary. So exactly how do you say “Grow up!” in Martian? Oh here it is “Oh big strong Martian, please teach this lowly dumb Venusian how I may serve you better”. Wait according to the dictionary that’s how you say everything to a Martian. No wonder I’m having such a hard time. Sometimes Venus seems so far away… no far, far away… no far, far, far…
How do I offend thee, let me count the ways 1, 2, 3…
Well here it is the end of the day and I’ve managed to offend not one but two Martians. Who knew it would be so easy and I wasn’t even trying. Nameless Martian number one became offended when I had the temerity to answer a question that he asked. What was I thinking? I must remember that when a Martian asks a Venusian a question the only acceptable answers is “oh I agree with you exactly I only wish I could have said it first so you would know that I’m absolutely not pandering to your Martian ego.”
Just about recovered from that and sure enough Nameless Martian number two tells me he is having a hard time answering my question because he doesn’t want to be too critical especially since I am so defensive. It turns out that during a different session I offered what I thought was an additional comment to his comments and here I’m now informed that what I was doing was negating his comments and passing the blame to someone else. Silly me I thought I was agreeing with him and giving him another reason why he was right about what he was saying. Apparently your right in Venusian when translated into Martian means I’m criticizing you, you Martian pig. Who know?? I really need to work on my translations before speaking to another Martian or else I need to find an interpreter that is fluent in Venusian and Martian.
The really strange thing is that I’ve always considered myself to be a Venusian with strong Martian logic. But however it seems that Martian logic coming from a Venusian no matter how Martian like is still Venusian. Oh well I guess I need to update my Martian to Venusian (or vice versa) translation dictionary. So exactly how do you say “Grow up!” in Martian? Oh here it is “Oh big strong Martian, please teach this lowly dumb Venusian how I may serve you better”. Wait according to the dictionary that’s how you say everything to a Martian. No wonder I’m having such a hard time. Sometimes Venus seems so far away… no far, far away… no far, far, far…
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